Letting Failure Fuel Your Fire

NEW YORK – In real estate, the path to success is hardly linear. Deals fall apart. Clients walk away. Listings sit longer than clients want. But here’s a truth I wish I’d learned earlier in my journey: The agents who make it are not the ones who avoid failure. They’re the ones who know how to use it as motivation.

I’ve been there. More than once. And I want to offer a few lessons drawn not from the wins but from the moments that felt like defeat.

1. When a client walks away, don’t take it personally — but always take notes

In 2016, after a few months of searching, I found a listing for a buyer I was working with at the time. It fit everything she said she was looking for in a home. I sent it to her, expecting excitement or at least a request to schedule a showing.

Instead, she replied saying she had decided not to move forward with buying a home at all. “We’ve decided to hold off for now,” she said. No warning. No questions.

Despite feeling disappointed by the outcome, I respected her decision.

A few days later, I found out she had placed an offer on that same home with another agent who I knew and who had previously worked at my office.

I was blindsided. Embarrassed. Angry. I replayed every step in my mind. Was I not enough? Did I miss something? Am I cut out for this?

Here’s what I learned:

• Verbal enthusiasm doesn’t equal commitment.
• Trust is earned—but so is exclusivity.
• Protect your business with clear agreements and consistent follow-ups.

You can’t control what every client does. But you can learn to spot red flags earlier and set clearer expectations. This alone could save you from heartbreak and burnout.

Completing a written agreement when working with buyers is now a requirement for NAR members. Written agreements create clarity and transparency, setting out the roles and responsibilities of each party. Learn more in “Written Buyer Agreements 101.”

2. Let the fire burn — then let it build you

I won’t lie to you. That experience in 2016 didn’t roll off my back. It has stayed with me to this day. The feelings of betrayal, the disbelief, the sense of being dismissed — it festered.

I replayed the moment over and over again. I wanted to know why. I wanted to confront it. I wanted some sense of justice. But I knew I couldn’t change what had happened. All I could do was decide what to do with the fire it lit inside me.

So, I turned it into fuel.

In 2017, I took every ounce of that anger and put it into my work ethic, my systems and my standards. I showed up harder, smarter and sharper. And the results of that effort were clear: I doubled my business for the first time.

Not out of revenge—but out of resolve.

Pain, if you let it, can become power. It’s not the kind that lashes out—but the kind that lifts you up and keeps your soul moving, especially on the days when it’s hard to believe in yourself.

If you’re carrying hurt, use it. Let it remind you that you care. Let it push you forward. Let it shape the agent (and the person) you’re becoming.

3. Career plateaus are normal — but accepting them isn’t

By 2019, I had seven years of experience under my belt — and not a single million-dollar sale to show for it. I’m in South Florida where million-dollar homes are easily found. I watched newer agents close high-end deals and wondered if something was wrong with me.

Was I thinking too small? Marketing to the wrong audience? Just plain unlucky?

That year taught me that every agent hits a wall. Sometimes it’s the price point. Sometimes it’s motivation. The key isn’t to shame yourself for not being “there” yet. In my experience, the key was to recalibrate.

Here’s what helped me break through:

• I stopped chasing what others were doing and focused on refining my own approach.
• I focused on learning more about the properties I truly wanted to sell: luxury, new developments.
• I worked on my mindset. Confidence sells, even when the numbers aren’t there yet.

The million-dollar sales came eventually but not until I stopped waiting for success to find me and started preparing like it already had.

4. Don’t let victory make you soft

Success is a rush, but it can also be a trap.

It’s easy to get comfortable after a few victories. You land an expensive listing. People start recognizing your name. And before you know it, you’re coasting through the season. But here’s a fact: Our business doesn’t care about what you sold last month or the month before that.

Markets shift. Interest rates change. Buyer behavior evolves. What worked yesterday might not work tomorrow. And if you’re not paying attention, you’ll miss the queues and feel it fast. Don’t let a good year convince you the next one will be the same.

Celebrate your wins, but don’t let them make you forget the work it took to earn them. Keep pushing. Stay sharp and stay ready.

You’re not failing, you’re becoming

Every time a client ghosted me, every time a listing expired, every time I felt like I was falling behind, I wasn’t failing. I was becoming.

So, if you’re in the middle of a rough year, remember this:

• It’s fine to feel discouraged, but don’t stay there.
• Surround yourself with people who support your journey, not just those who post their peaks.
• Track your effort, not just your closings.
• Speak your setbacks out loud; they lose power when you stop hiding them.
• And if you have a tendency to hold onto hurt feelings like I do, use it. I’ve turned my anger into motivation more times than I can count—not to hurt anyone but to prove to myself that I deserve success. Let your fire make you relentless, not reckless.

Failure isn’t the end. It’s the process of becoming who you’re meant to be in this business. Let it shape you. Let it build you. Never let it stop you.

© 2025 National Association of Realtors® (NAR)